


endless night sky and the secret hopes

by redskyes



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Coming of Age, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, an attempt at a character study, takes place predebut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 14:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redskyes/pseuds/redskyes
Summary: Felix is willing to follow the words anywhere they go on his body, up the inside of his arm, across the span of his chest, spiralling down across his knee.He'll follow his dreams everywhere no matter the distance. He'll follow them to the other side of the ocean, past the horizon line. His soulmate is somewhere out there beyond Felix's dreams, chasing their own, and they'll meet one day. One day they'll catch each other eventually.(Five times Felix catches his soulmate's words before they fade and the one time the words stay.)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 16
Kudos: 207





	endless night sky and the secret hopes

**Author's Note:**

> i can only handle people calling each other soulmates so many times before i break okay
> 
> hugest thanks to emery and a. as always i love you both so much and i don't know what i would do without your support and reassurance thank you for being my actual soulmates <3

i.

Since the day Felix was born, there’s always been words on his skin. 

That's what his mother says anyway. She says that it made her worry a lot then, seeing her son's skin covered with black marks, messy letters that when put together made words, ones that refused to stay still, that would shift and spiral, shrink and grow, never staying in one place for long. She says it now with a little laugh, says that she realised on her own that it was just Felix's soulmate making themselves known.

She talks about how Felix would watch the words even when he was a baby, big eyes blinking unfocused in their direction as they skirted up his hands and back down again. That didn't change as he grew up. Felix would run around laughing, arms outstretched in front of him trying to catch the other kids, arms that would end up having words appearing on them that would distract Felix and cause a lot of tears and bruises as a result. Sometimes he would sit in the corner while all the other kids played, shorts pulled all the way up to try and watch the words. 

Never has she forgotten what Felix said when someone asked him about it once, that it's not nice to not listen to people and that his soulmate was speaking to him so Felix had to listen.

It didn't matter that the thoughts weren't necessarily about Felix. They were thoughts more than anything else, scattered notes and narration about anything and everything. It could be as simple as the words a puppy bouncing along Felix's forearm or they could be too long and scrunched for Felix to read properly, something about goal and team, but they didn't need to be attempts at coherent conversations for Felix to pay attention.

His mother says she could be here all day with examples of how attached Felix has always been to his words. He would beg his parents, his older sister, anyone near him to read the words for him no matter the time or place. That impatience to understand his soulmate encouraged him to learn how to read, functioned as a method of practice as well. Felix can vaguely remember how happy he felt when he understood a new word his soulmate used

It's why he loved the bath so much. He loved when he could trace the words freely with nothing getting in the way, and that love carried on to the pool, to the ocean, the joy of having the words appear in clear sight. Felix wasn't ever shy about the words or letting other people see them. His skin hasn't ever been clear. It's always been covered in healing bruises and seas of freckles and flowing words and Felix can't remember a time when it wasn't and he doesn't want to.

Felix isn't shy but his soulmate must be. They must be because as they both grow up, the words don't grow as well. If anything, they shrink, become more prone to hiding away. Felix still watches for them but it becomes harder and harder to understand them, to catch the words before they disappear.

His mother says that he needs to be understanding, that sometimes people aren't always ready to share things with people.

But they're soulmates, Felix tries to argue with tears in his eyes. He doesn’t understand why they feel that way with him. They never need to hide anything from Felix. He will always be there for them because Felix is their soulmate.

His mother wraps him up in her arms, lets Felix cry into her embrace, and whispers in his ear about how he needs to wait for now despite how much it hurts. That he needs to wait for his soulmate to be ready. One day they'll meet and then Felix will be able to show them how he feels and let them know they won't need to hide anymore because Felix will be there with them.

That same night, when he's supposed to be asleep, Felix watches the stars instead from his childhood bedroom. Tiny specks twinkling and sparkling as they dance around the moon. Felix closes his eyes and thinks as hard as he can about reassuring his soulmate, about trying to communicate everything Felix feels about them.

He opens his eyes again after a moment. The stars and moon are still there, casting soft light through his window. Enough light that Felix manages to see and make out the words that have settled on the back of his hand, the only movement being them gently swaying back and forth.

_the night sky is beautiful_

Felix smiles even as the words fade away. Lets his thoughts turn to those of love and light.

He can remember all the memories his mother brings up. He remembers them faintly, never in solid images or defined words, but in a bubble burst of feelings that lingers at the back of his throat.

He's always loved his soulmate and their words and he’s always dreamed of the day they would meet, of when Felix would get to hear the thoughts that end up sitting on his skin.

ii.

Felix is waiting at the airport in the departure lounge. The airport is full of people and noise. It's always full, even now at near dusk. Felix is all by himself. 

He's been waiting for days for the right chance to fly, his suitcase mostly full, his goodbyes having already been said.

He's been waiting for weeks for his parents to change their mind. He's stood in front of them and their pursed lips and concerned expressions pleading for their seal of approval. Some kind of sign, a verbal acknowledgement or a comforting pat on his shoulder.

They think it's not something that he wants for himself. That he's chasing after his soulmate and not his own dreams because it's somehow impossible for the two to line up. Everyone has a soulmate and one day you'll meet them and all you have to do is wait. Your soulmate completes your life but they're not your life. You still have your own to live.

They don't say that out loud. They only ask through the form of a question they've already decided the answer to because is this what Felix actually wants. Does he think that becoming an idol is actually something he can achieve? He's still so young. It will take so much work. And if he actually manages to achieve it, will he be happy with that life?

Felix nods. Answers yes with determination wetting his eyes. He wants it and he wants to make his parents proud of him as well.

He's been waiting for months for the chance to audition. A distant dream he's had of performing, dancing, being on stage finally becoming real.

Nevertheless, Felix wouldn't be lying if he said that some of his motivation came from his soulmate.

His soulmate that has been working so hard. Whenever Felix manages to read their thoughts, they say something along the lines of must work harder, need to be better, must practise more. Felix will wake up in the middle of the night and they'll still be awake, thoughts rushing across his skin in a way they hadn't when they were still young kids. Recently the familiar English on his skin has started to be replaced by the intricacies of Hangul, a language Felix knows but doesn't understand. Felix will attempt to trace over the detailed lines before they slither out from underneath his touch.

No matter whether Felix can understand the words or not, they always function as a reminder of his soulmate. His soulmate who is an inspiration to him already because the least Felix can do for them is work as hard as they do.

Sometimes Felix wonders how much they're like him. He thinks about what kind of dream they're running after, that they're putting all of these years of work into. Maybe that's something that they share too. Maybe they'll meet because of their careers, their dreams crossing over. Maybe they share the same dream after all.

But maybe not and Felix is okay with that. Contrary to what his parents think, he's even okay with waiting to meet his soulmate. He's not doing this for his soulmate. Felix is doing this for himself because this is what he wants. This is his dream and his alone.

The crackly voice announces over the speakers that the flight to Seoul is now ready for boarding. Felix stands up and makes off towards the gate. As he walks, he bathes in the sights, the smells, the sounds of the hustle surrounding him. He listens to the quiet conversations of tired couples leaning on each other, he breathes in the smell of the fast food restaurants, and he tries his best to absorb every sight, the flickering location names on the board and the expansive windows showing off the only home he's ever known until now.

Something catches his eye then. Felix glances down to the inside of his forearm to find words written in English in the shape of a horseshoe.

_don't lose faith in yourself not now_

They make Felix smile, just like always, and he keeps his eyes on them as the horseshoe sinks and fades. He rubs over the spot with a gentle touch as he takes his seat on the plane and watches out the window. 

He's been waiting for years for this. He's been waiting years to be able to take the first step towards his dream of being an idol. He's been waiting even longer to meet his soulmate.

Just because you're waiting doesn't mean you need to stand still in place.

iii. 

Felix knew it was going to be difficult going in. Leaving his home and his friends and everything he had loved up until then behind for the chance of achieving his dream.

Difficult doesn't begin to cover it though. It's endless, unrelenting, he can't ever stop thinking, trying, putting in anything less than his absolute all into everything. It's hard enough with the training, exhaustion is who he is now, it has long since seeped and set into his limbs and very bones, but then in comes the language, the culture, all the traditions. There's so much for him to try to remember and his head never feels like it's big enough, his tongue doesn't feel like it will ever be able to catch and cast the syllables properly.

He is all too aware about how he doesn't fit in, an outsider who looks the part and not much else.

Felix is only glad that he's not doing it alone. He's so thankful for everyone helping him out. All the trainees are nice, they try to be despite the language barrier, some are more patient than others and smile while he eventually gets out the word he wants, some more kind, willing to communicate in conversations that are mostly gestures and overblown expressions.

And then there's Chris. Chris who Felix is the most thankful for, Chris who is a large part of the reason that Felix hasn't been crushed yet, another casualty under the wheel of the idol training machine.

It's Chris who walks up to him during Felix's first day when he's only just entered the JYP building, while he’s still standing in the foyer trying to take everything in.

"Hi," Chris says. He says it with a smile, one that makes his eyes curve and crinkle. "I'm Chris. You must be Felix right?" It's not the first time Felix has heard English since he arrived off the plane, but it's the first time he's heard an accent that matches his own, sun-soaked syllables.

Felix nods eventually because his ability to be awkward is always impressive even now. "Yes, I'm Felix. It's nice to meet you." He goes to hold out his hand before pulling it back and doing a quick bow instead. When he stands back up again, Chris' eyes are wide, mouth hanging open, and Felix isn't sure what he's done wrong already.

"I did not expect that, wow," Chris says. "Your voice is so. So wow, oh my gosh."

Felix can feel a blush spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry," Chris says. "That was such a weird thing to say. Your voice just shocked me."

"It's alright," Felix says, coming out deeper than he intended. He coughs a little and then tries to talk like a normal person for once. "Lots of people say that now."

Chris laughs. It comes out in the form of giggles. He has a dimple, Felix notices. "I'm not surprised. Well, I was surprised by your voice but I'm not surprised that other people get surprised by it because it is really surprising. Surprising, surprising, it doesn’t sound like an actual word anymore.”

Felix covers his mouth in time to catch his laugh. 

"So, anyway, I'll be showing you around, is that cool?" Chris asks, a smile still going strong on his face.

Felix nods again to which Chris nods in reply before turning around and taking a few steps. He stops and then turns around, hand reaching out to beckon Felix towards him. "C'mon then," Chris says and Felix follows after him.

They walk throughout the building, the conversation flowing without any problem. It's so easy speaking to Chris, not just because they're speaking in English or because they're from the same place, the exact same place it turns because when Felix tells Chris that he's from Sydney which makes Chris let out a too loud no way, me too, it goes beyond that somehow. It's easy to chat about the little things, to listen to Chris explain where everything is and Chris telling his stories about what happened where and when and with who, and it's even easy to share things, to answer Chris' questions about how he's feeling with honesty because Chris seems to understand how he feels. 

"I've been through what you're going through," Chris says. "Maybe not exactly but something close enough so if you ever need anything or if you just want to talk, I'll always be here. I know how hard it can be so yeah, don't feel you have to do it alone."

"Thank you," Felix says. 

"It's no problem, us Aussie boys need to stick together." Chris smiles. There's something compelling about it that Felix feels he has to smile too. It might be how he has two dimples and not just one.

They keep on walking down corridor after corridor, floor after floor, and pretty much every single person they pass makes the effort to greet Chris or stops to talk to him, friendly and welcoming words that they extend to Felix too. Chris switches to Korean with them and then back to English with Felix like it's nothing and Felix can only watch in stunned silence. That's all he would have been able to do anyway, tongue stuck in his mouth, but this silence is in awe of Chris who always turns to Felix afterwards with a sheepish shrug and sorry.

A couple of other trainees around Felix’s age take a moment to speak to Chris, too fast for Felix to keep up with. They leave with a loud Chan-hyung that reverberates off the walls.

"Chan-hyung? Should I be calling you that as well?" Felix asks when they've started walking again.

"What? Oh, uhm, you can just call me what you want," Chris says. "You don't have to call me hyung while we're speaking English and I don't mind if you call me Chris or Chan or whatever. You can call me what you want."

"Okay," Felix says. "I'll stick to Chris for now, if that's cool."

"It's very cool," Chris says. He comes to a sudden stop in front of a door and Felix almost walks into him but he manages to stop right before that happens.

"I know it's been a lot for you today already but there's a few people in particular I want you to meet," Chris says "They're two of my best friends here and they'll definitely help keep you right."

Felix looks at the door and then glances to Chris. 

"If you don't want to meet them today, you don't have to," Chris says.

"No, I'm ready, I think," Felix says. "I want to meet them. Especially if they're your friends."

"If you're sure, they can be-- a bit much," Chris says.

"I'm ready," Felix says.

Chris is a welcomed reminder of the home that Felix left. He reminds Felix that he needs to push forward, he can't simply rely on the thoughts of home anymore. He left for a reason and it’s something that he’ll always remember, that he can’t afford to forget.

Chris opens the door and Felix is immediately greeted by the sound of yelling.

Inside, there’s a practice room wall to ceiling mirrors and stars on the wall. It already has two other boys in it who are the ones yelling at each other. Two boys who are currently wrestling on the floor, one trying to pin the other underneath him.

Chris coughs. Then coughs again when they don't stop the first time.

"Jisung-ah! Changbin-ah!"

That works in getting the boys to stop and getting them to actually look in their direction. Felix can only see the one on top who managed to successfully pin the other boy underneath him.

"Oh, Channie-hyung!" It’s the boy on top who speaks. He has round cheeks that puff out as he lets out a breath. He says something else that Felix doesn't quite catch, but he must relax his grip because then he's getting thrown off the boy on the floor and dumped on his ass.

"Get up please," Chris says, or at least that's what Felix thinks he says because he's switched back to Korean again. The two boys follow Chris' instructions, standing up straight, not bothering to fix their messy clothes or hair. The boy who was getting pinned has dark eyes and a sharp chin. He honestly looks a little scary and intimidating.

"I'm not going to ask what or why you were doing," Chris says, speaking slowly, exasperation dripping off every word. Felix gets the idea that he's too used to this.

The boy with the round cheeks responds in rapid Korean which just sets off the other boy into letting out his own stream of Korean that sweeps Felix under like a wave.

"Stop it, stop it, tell me later," Chris says. "I've got someone to introduce to you."

Both sets of unfamiliar eyes are now on Felix like they've just noticed he’s there. Felix does his best to stand strong on his own and not hide behind Chris. It becomes easier to do so when Chris slides an arm around Felix’s shoulder, pulling him forward slightly.

"This is Felix," Chris says. "Felix, that's Jisung on the left and Changbin on the right. Felix is new and he doesn't speak the best Korean yet so be patient with him and be nice to him."

"Hey, Felix!" Jisung says, still as loud as he was when he was wrestling on the floor. "Nice to meet you!"

"Hi," Changbin says, voice quieter than Felix thought it would be. 

"Hi, it's good to meet you," Felix says, bowing again so he dips out of Chan's grip.

"What the fuck," Jisung says. "Oh my god, please speak again." He says it in accented English and it shocks Felix enough that he does what he's asked of.

"Uhm, hi, I'm Felix?"

"What the fuck," Jisung says again. "Holy fuck, how is that voice coming out of you? It's so deep, deeper than like the Matrix, please don't ever stop speaking."

Felix blushes. "Thank you," he says.

Changbin doesn't say anything but he looks in Felix's direction and raises his eyebrows a few times. Gives Felix this surprisingly sweet smile along with a little thumbs up that makes Felix blush again.

"Well make yourself comfortable, take your hoodie off, and tell us all about you,” Jisung says. He looks Felix in the eye and Felix tries to do the same but something else keeps on catching his gaze. There’s a mark on Jisung’s face. A line that cuts diagonally down from the side of his nose and then across to the corner of his lip, forming the shape of a triangle. 

"I'm good thanks," Felix says, putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. 

"At least take your hoodie off, bro. Otherwise you're going to overheat, trust me, it's like you get teleported to the middle of a volcano when you stay in here for too long," Jisung says. He talks animatedly, in wide gestures and full body movements. He has nothing to hide.

"I really am good, thank you," Felix says.

"Dude, I’m being serious, you’re going to--ow, hyung!" Jisung pouts at Chris, bends down to rub at his shin where Chris kicked him.

"I said be nice," Chris says.

"I am being nice!"

"You can be nice by respecting people's privacy," Chris says. "And we just came by to say hi anyway."

"What would Felix have to be private about-- oh," Jisung says. 

"Yes, oh," Chris says. "You should apologise."

Jisung grimaces. “I’m sorry, Felix.” He means it, sincerity appearing clear in his tone of voice.

"Sorry, Felix," Chris says.

"It's okay," Felix says. “No hard feelings.”

“I’ll make sure no one else says anything about it,” Chris promises after they’ve said their goodbyes to the boys, Jisung is already promising to take Felix out for food and Changbin gives Felix a little wave and another smile. "Don’t worry, I'll always keep an eye out for you," Chris says as a form of goodbye. Felix believes him fully. 

“Thank you, Chris.”

“It’s the least I can do,” Chris says. 

That night, when Felix is in the bathroom getting ready for bed and the door is securely shut, he takes the chance to roll up the sleeves of his pyjama top. His skin is blank. It is now more often than not but Felix is okay with it.

His soulmate shares their secrets with Felix and even though they're in English most of the time, Felix doesn't want to risk anyone finding out things about them before they're actually ready to share them with others. Most of the time, they’re probably not even ready for Felix to see them honestly.

Felix still remembers what he saw just a few years ago. A set of phrases that keep on appearing and disappearing, on and off for days and weeks and that made Felix’s throat clench everytime.

_i like girls i like girls i don't like boys i like girls but i like a boy i still like girls but i like boys i like girls and i like boys i like both i can't like both i like both i can't like both i can'tican'tican't_

Felix hid them as best he could. That’s when he started covering up more, wearing layers of oversized clothes, not because Felix was ashamed of them. Felix could never be. Felix still loves them no matter who they love. Even if they don’t end up loving him, Felix will still love them.

He was afraid for them. He didn’t want people knowing things that his soulmate wasn’t ready to tell. Everytime the words would appear, Felix would wish that he could hold them, just in that moment, to tell them it’s okay and they’re going to be okay. 

He worries sometimes about his soulmates' thoughts appearing in places that Felix can't hide. Secrets splayed across his throat and the apple of his cheeks for everyone’s eyes to see but that hasn't happened before, never that Felix can remember. He prays that it remains that way. 

He's brushing his teeth when he sees words for the first time that day. Black and bold and on the outside of his forearm, trailing down past his elbow.

_you won't be alone you have us by your side you will succeed that’s a promise_

Right now, Felix looks in the mirror and he doesn't see someone capable of being there for his soulmate. He still loves his soulmate, not in the same burning way that he used to, but still, he sees their words and affection blooms. He knows that he has a long way to go before he can call himself worthy of being their soulmate. Only when he’s able to carry their thoughts and dreams will Felix be worthy.

iv.

The next few months of Felix's life are nothing but practice.

All Felix does is practice. He practises his vocals, his dance moves, messy handwriting, forces habits into pace, studies, speaks, every single day and then he sleeps and then it starts again.

This is what Felix expected. This is what he wanted and he's doing his best, he swears he is, but that doesn't mean that it isn't tricky. That he doesn't have moments where he's struggling to keep afloat. If he was doing this by himself, he would have sunk down and joined the unknown depths already.

Everyone is helping him out still. The other trainees help Felix out, stop him from getting scolded by the teachers for failing and making mistakes, even though he doesn't have much to offer them in return apart from smiles and stuttering thanks.

He is improving, bit by bit. He can see it, see how far he has come from when he arrived, but it's not enough, it's not happening fast enough. not with the survival show now upon them.

Felix couldn't believe it when Chris asked him about becoming part of the group, one that Chris had hand picked himself.

"I want you in the group," Chris had said. "We need you."

Felix’s first initial thought was that it was too soon. No way was Felix anywhere near good enough yet. He wasn't sure what he would bring compared to everyone else already there, Changbin and Jisung's rapping and producing, Jeongin and Seungmin's vocals and they already had dancers in Hyunjin and Minho, what could they possibly need him for.

Felix didn't know what him joining would help with but if Chris wanted him, then Felix was going to say yes.

"I'm not going to let you down."

"I know you won't. We're in this together."

That night Felix fell asleep with trepidation clawing at his throat and words that traveled from one palm to another.

_thank you thank you so much thank you for having faith it won't go to waste_

Felix has known for a while that his soulmates' thoughts aren't about him. Felix is merely being giving an insight into what his soulmate thinks.

He’s still glad to hear that his soulmate's faith in themselves is finally being rewarded. They deserve it. They deserve it so much.

Felix managed to fall asleep then, but sleep is something that evades him now. His thoughts are racing, anxiety starting to raise and bustle under his skin. They had gotten past the first obstacle of the survival show, they had been picked while the girls were left behind, and they had moved into a dorm together. Things were moving forward and they were going to perform again soon.

Looming over them was the chance of elimination. The possibility of being left behind and missing out on the chance of your dream. 

He tosses and turns, cuddles his plushes and tries to think about relaxing things, counts sheeps and other cute fluffy animals.

"Felix?"

Felix doesn't say anything.

There's a soft sigh. "Felix, I know you're awake."

"Sorry for waking you," Felix replies in a whisper.

"You didn't," Seungmin whispers, English soft like always.

There's a moment of silence. "Seungmin, can I?" Felix asks.

"Of course," Seungmin says.

Felix can't crawl out of his bed and into Seungmin's fast enough. Seungmin is lifting up the covers, ready for Felix to slide in beside him and shuffle in closer, close enough that their breaths are hitting each other's faces.

"Thank you," Felix says in Korean. He puts an arm around Seungmin, focuses on the heat beside him to try and slow down the beat of his own heart.

"No problem," Seungmin says in English. Felix knows that this is something that helps them both. They had joined the company at the same time roughly and it was simple to stick together, to help each other, not just with the training but with keeping each other company. Seungmin was studious, always determined to chip away at everything which included English. He was always asking Felix for help and pointers and he was willing to return the favour to Felix with Korean.

"Are you nervous?" Felix asks.

His eyes have adjusted enough to the dark that he can see Seungmin nod.

"Yes," Seungmin says. "It feels so close now. But not." 

"I understand," Felix says.

"You're nervous too?" Seungmin asks.

Felix pauses. Tries to think of how to say this in Korean not because he has to, but because he wants to, he wants to be able to communicate with everyone, to express how he feels and to have them understand. "I'm not nervous for me," Felix says eventually. "I'm nervous for the others. I want us to stick together." He can see it clearly, the light in everyone's eyes at every step they've managed to overcome so far. Everyone has been working so hard, everyone has but even then, Chris has been managing to work that little bit harder.

He's the one who pushes Felix the most. He watches Felix's movements in the mirrors and listens to his vocals and he can always find something to critique but Felix knows it's not because Chris is cruel or because he thinks lowly of him. If anything, it's the opposite, it’s because he thinks too highly of Felix. Chris believes that Felix is capable of achieving anything, pushes and lifts him up to try and reach heights that Felix isn’t sure are actually possible for him. He wants them to be, he wants to try and reach them for Chris and for everyone else.

"I think I understand," Seungmin says. "You don't want to let everyone down."

"Yeah, that's it," Felix says. "I need to work harder."

"You already work hard," Seungmin says.

Felix shakes his head. "It’s not enough. It needs to be even harder than that. You're working hard too," he says.

"Thanks," Seungmin says. "I guess I feel the same. I want to work harder too for everyone."

There's a stretch of silence.

"You have a soulmate, right?" Seungmin asks.

Felix blinks. He still does his best to cover up at all times even in his dorm room but Seungmin is good at noticing things, Felix has noticed.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Seungmin says.

"It's okay, I trust you," Felix says. It’s easy to admit it when Felix’s skin and words are hidden under his clothes, by the hold of the dark. "Yeah, I do have one."

"That's why you always have long sleeves on right," Seungmin says. 

Felix nods. "Yeah."

"You're working hard for them too right? To meet them?" 

"I am working hard for them," Felix says. "But--" He's struggling to find the words in Korean to describe exactly how he feels. To capture what his soulmate means to him.

"You can say it in English," Seungmin says.

"I am working hard for them," Felix repeats in English this time. "But I'm not working hard to meet them exactly. I’ll meet them one day anyway. My soulmate, I know they're working hard for what they want, and they've been working hard for so long, years and years, and the least I can do is work hard too for what I want. We'll meet one day, we're destined to, so I need to keep on trying my best until then. And until then, I get to spend time with all of you, my friends, and I'm happy with that. I'm really happy with that."

He can see Seungmin's smile catching the moonlight.

"I hope that made sense and I didn't talk too fast," Felix says.

"No, you spoke fine, you spoke well," Seungmin says. "I understand. Your soulmate will be lucky to have you."

Heat rushes to Felix’s face and he’s just glad Seungmin can’t see it. "Thank you."

Seungmin takes a deep breath. "I don't have one," he says.

"Oh," Felix says. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Seungmin says.

"I'm really sorry," Felix says. He moves his arm so he can run his fingers down Seungmin's arm to his hand so he can hold it in his, doing his best to fit their fingers together.

Seungmin shrugs, still smiling. "It's okay. It used to bother me more when I was younger but not so much anymore. Like you said, I still have my friends and my family. Your soulmate is not the only important person in your life despite what people say, there’s still people you can choose.” 

Felix gives into the urge to cuddle Seungmin who lets out a little laugh at Felix pushing into his space. He returns the favour anyway, wrapping his arms around Felix.

"You're important, Seungmin. You're my friend so you’re important," Felix says.

"You too," Seungmin whispers, tightening his grip. Felix is willing to stay here for as long as Seungmin needs him. Felix would do anything for his friends, for the ones he loves, and it's definitely too soon to be feeling that way, but this is how Felix has always been, he doesn't fall in love, he jumps in, cannonballs until he hits the floor and the feeling is overflowing and coating everything around him.

"We all can't be Jisung and Minho-hyung," Seungmin comments softly.

"Yeah," Felix says. "Not everyone is that lucky."

There’s a beat of silence enough to hear the singular creak through the walls. "Do you think they're actually soulmates?" Seungmin asks.

Felix thinks about it. He has thought about it already. It didn’t happen too long ago, Minho was brought into their practice room, smiling brightly and bowing politely and introducing himself about how he was here for dancing. Felix had been standing next to Jisung who was staring at Minho, frowning as Minho worked his way around the room. Jisung kept that frown when Minho walked up to him, like he was trying to figure something out about the new boy in front of him.

It became clear what Jisung was thinking about not soon after that. He attached himself to Minho's side at all times, never seemed to leave his side and Felix didn’t want to assume and he didn’t have to because Jisung had no problem proudly declaring the fact that Minho was his soulmate because look, the triangle mark on his face perfectly matched Minho's nose side profile, do you all not see it? Felix did if he titled his head, if he pictured them side by side.

He hadn't seen Minho's mark yet. It wasn't anywhere visible so Felix just assumed that it must be somewhere private. MInho isn't the only person who doesn't show off his mark. Most people don't. Apart from Jisung, Felix hasn't seen anyone else's. Chris walks about shorts and tank tops and still Felix hasn't ever seen anything on his skin. Not that Felix was looking at him in particular.

He had heard whispers though, the kind of private things you overhear in a dorm with thin doors and walls, and Felix didn't understand all the words he was hearing, but there was something about the tone that stuck its claws in him and makes him wish he could let it go, rid his memory of something that wasn't his concern.

Seungmin likely knows more than Felix. Him and Minho are close, they are always sticking their heads together in quiet conversations that Felix is glad he can't overhear. 

"I don't think it matters," Felix says. "They fit together well. They make each other happy. That's what matters, I think. A soulmate is who is chosen for you but who you still choose to be with. They're happy so I'm happy for them."

Seungmin doesn't say anything for a long moment. Even in the dark, Felix can hear him thinking, can imagine the thoughtful look on his face. "I'm happy for them too," Seungmin says eventually. "I just hope they stay that way."

"They will," Felix says. "We all will. We're going to make it together. We're going to debut together." He believes in it. He needs to believe in it so he does just that. However long he needs to say it, Felix will keep on repeating it until it comes into fruition.

"We will," Seungmin repeats.

We will, Felix thinks even as he starts to fall into slumber. We will all debut together he hopes, he promises.

When Felix wakes up in the morning and extracts himself from Seungmin's grip, his pant leg has ridden up past his knee, revealing another set of words.

_almost there so close at last this is the last chance_

Felix believes in his soulmate and he only hopes that his soulmate believes in him too. That they’re okay with Felix sharing their belief with everyone beside him.

v.

They're not all going to make it together.

Minho makes a mistake. He forgets the lyrics. He gets eliminated and Felix can't stop crying.

Minho made a mistake because he was so busy helping the rest of them first. Helping out as a hyung, a dance teacher, a literal teacher in Felix's case because Minho was the person who helped Felix the most with his Korean, who spent his precious time on taking Felix through his books and exercises. Minho was the last one to join the company and the group, and he had worked the hardest in the shortest amount of time, not just for himself but for all of them and they didn't return that. They could have helped him more. They should have done so.

Even when he's been eliminated, Minho takes the time to wipe away Felix's tears before his own. They still continue to fall afterwards.

"I'm sorry hyung," is all Felix can manage to say to Minho. There's so much more he wants to but the words are caught at the back of his throat, tongue unable to make the right shapes.

Minho smiles at him. He's the only one who still can. "It's okay, Felix-ah," he says. "It's not your fault."

But it is Felix's fault. If Minho hadn't spent so much time helping him with his Korean and dance and everything, then Minho would have been able to practise for himself more. If Felix had just been better, then they wouldn't be in this position, pretending that they can't see Jisung drag Minho away, his hand around Minho's and the other rubbing furiously at his own cheek.

Felix wouldn't be doing his best to wrap his arms around Seungmin who keeps on breaking, keeps on crying into his shirt as Felix tries to hold back his own tears from falling. The dorm is quiet, too quiet, a piece so clearly missing that it hurts to be there.

He wasn't good enough and he let Minho down. He let them all down.

Felix is practising by himself in one of the dance rooms. He's been at this all day, all night. Now it’s the start of the morning, in the middle of dawn and he needs to try harder. He needs to push himself until he reaches the standards everyone has set. Bringing them down again is not an option.

Perfect is the only thing that would even come close. Perfect is what Chris is pushing them for, what he expects.

Chris has only gotten harsher with them all. He's never pleased, never satisfied, he always has something to say, to point out, a reason that means they have to go through everything again.

Felix understands. Chris has been here for so long, trapped under the trainee title while everyone else has moved on without him. He has been in this exact kind of position before where he came so close to debuting only to have it not happen. It must have been so painful.

Felix sees it in the burden Chris carries on his shoulders, how it weighs him down, keeps him up at all hours. Even when the rest of them manage restless sleep, Chris is still up working away at beats and everything.

He's working right now, Felix is sure. He's working so hard and Felix fully intends to keep his promise to not let him down. For his own dream, Felix was already willing to sacrifice everything, and now he is willing to do that and even more because it’s not just his own dream anymore, it’s the dream of the kids, his friends, it’s the weight of Minho’s dream and Chris’ dream. Felix refuses to let them down again. He will carry them, will support them.

The music stops and Felix forces himself to take a break, allows himself a second of rest. He takes a drink out of his water bottle, what little is left in it, and lifts up his shirt to wipe away the sweat coating his face.

Felix is about to drop it back down when he catches a glimpse of something in the mirror just visible in the low light. He walks up to it, closer to his reflection, the black mark under his ribs becoming clearer, smudges forming letters. Felix taps his finger underneath the mirrored words as he does his best to read them backwards. It takes him a minute but he’s familiar with the typeface, too familiar with reading things that only he can see.

_you're not losing anyone else no one it can't happen it won’t happen_

His soulmate has been quiet lately. Quiet even for them. Felix still tries to look for the words when he can, when he has the time but it keeps on falling down his list of priorities. Felix knows that it isn’t fair to his soulmate. He bites his lip as he traces over their words now, tries to imprint them in his mind and does his best to think about them now. 

Felix will need to apologise to them one day. Hopefully they’ll understand why Felix did all of this. Hopefully they’ve both reached their dream by then.

\+ i.

He can't make the tears stop after he's eliminated. They just continue to pour and pour and pour down his face and onto the floor.

All Felix can do now is cry and apologise, shaking hands and full body trembles, soaking his group mates--his ex groupmates' shirts and shoulders.

That's something he can say in Korean. It's something he's had to say a lot, I'm sorry. I'm sorry can you repeat that, I'm sorry I missed that, I'm sorry I'm trying, I'm sorry it's not good enough, that I'm not good enough, I'm so sorry, please believe me I'm so, so sorry.

It's too late for all of it. He's let them down. The tears are no good, not now, but that doesn't make them stop, only makes his eyes burn fiercer, his throat turning raw and chest caving in.

Changbin-hyung tells him he's sorry like it's actually his fault, Hyunjin tells him that he doesn't need to cry like it's not Felix's fault, and Chris--Chris tells Felix to find him, that he's not going to leave Felix behind, like it's still a choice he can make. LIke Felix hasn’t already ruined that.

Felix can't see clearly anymore. Tears blur his vision and he can't see what’s in front of him. Where is he supposed to go now? He had chased his dream across the ocean, he had worked so hard for everyone, and he had let them all down. It’s over, all over. Finished and done.

They have to film the talking head interviews straight afterwards. Felix gets his done first, a small mercy that lets him escape away to a bathroom so he can collapse without prying eyes, give into the pit of shame and self-hatred inside him. He's not sure how long he's been standing here with his hands under the water. Cold water that has long since turned his nerves numb. Tears leaking out past his shut eyes, sting as sharp as ever.

He pries his eyelids open slowly. All he sees is himself in the mirror looking back at him, skin blotchy, red rimmed eyes and splitting lips, all he sees is himself trying not to break completely.

He looks away. Looks down to his hands still under the water. They're bright red from the cold, they're trembling, they're numb, and they're not clean.

There's words on his hands. Both his hands, running across his fingers and knuckles in uneven stripes. The words are bunched up close together, writing more of a scrawl than anything else. Felix blinks and keeps on blinking because he can't be reading the words right, they can't be saying what he thinks they are.

 _i'm sorry_ it says under his fingernails.

 _i failed you_ it says along the ridges of his knuckles.

 _i fucked up i’m useless i should have been there for you_ it says running down the back of his hand and trailing up his thumb.

There's glimpses of his black on the inside of his hands. Felix turns them over so his palms are facing up. He can't hold them still, sobs are trying to force their way out of his lungs again because this can't be happening, not now, the words can't be saying this, his soulmate can't be thinking these things, not now, please. He's already lost so much, he can't lose even more.

Because that's his own name on his skin. Stamped all over his hand in plain sight.

_i'm sorry felix please forgive me felix im so sorry felix_

Felix tries to shove his hands back under the still running water but that doesn't do anything of course. He rolls up his sleeves and that's when he sees the rest of them, the words continuing to spiral and twist up his arm. With every letter, they're growing bigger, bunching up closer together, winding round tighter and tighter, his skin becoming lost underneath them, and all Felix can see is the words, the words now repeating something that he had already heard today, that has been repeating inside his skull non stop.

_i meant it felix i'm not going to leave you behind please find me felix please please please_

His knees feel like they're going to come out from underneath him, that the weight of the words is going to break him. Snap him into two pieces and then more because they don't stop appearing. They're never going to stop now it seems like.

Felix lifts his head, looks into the mirror just in time to see the words start to rise up above the collar of his jumper and begin to circle around his throat, black letters swallowing up his skin, his face and features. His reflection stares back at him, the stained reflection of someone who has managed to let everyone important to him down, his family, his friends, and his soulmate, especially his soulmate.

This whole time he hadn't known. He hadn't figured it out and it was too late now.

Felix watches in the mirror as he raises his hand up. Reaches out a finger to shakely trace over his cheekbone, where his name sits like a brand, over the words imprinted on his skin.

_please always find me felix i'll wait for you i'll always wait for you_

He doesn't know how he's still standing. How he's still alive and awake under the weight of the words, of everything that has been revealed to him. They had the same dream after all, him and his soulmate.

He was chasing after his dream and not his soulmate because he thought his soulmate would appear beyond that, because they couldn’t be beside him, they couldn’t have been just one step in front of him the whole time.

"Felix?" Someone calls through the door. Felix jumps, fingers still pressed against his cheek.

There's a knock. "Felix. Are you in here?" It sounds like Seungmin, shaky and uneven but still Seungmin. 

He glances to the door and then back to the mirror, where the words on his skin are starting to shine because of the water of his tears. Felix wants to hide away from the world and everything. He doesn't want to be seen by anyone right now. The last thing he wants is for his group mates to keep on dragging their gazes behind them, towards him, as they walk further away. He wants to hide for his soulmate like he’s done before.

He wanted to hide for his soulmate, but as much as he can hide the words, as much as part of him still wants to, he can't hide himself. Not anymore. It feels like anything could knock Felix over, the merest breeze enough to send him shattering into pieces but even though Felix isn't strong enough for himself, for his own dreams, he can still be there for his soulmate.

And maybe, just maybe, his soulmate can be there for him too. Felix wants to hold his soulmate and he wants to be held by them, to take a moment to stop and just breathe in each other.

The journey towards the dream he chooses will start again one day. It could even start again tomorrow but before then, before he can move again, Felix needs to acknowledge where he stands and who he stands with, the person he is now, how the person he sees in the mirror is him, words and tears and all. 

"Seungmin," Felix manages around a hitch. "Seungmin, it's just you there?"

"Yeah," Seungmin replies. "I can get someone else."

Felix shakes his head, just a little, not hard enough to make anything come loose.

"No. You're good. You can come in," Felix says. "The door is open."

Felix takes a deep breath as he hears Seungmin push down on the door handle. He turns around to face Seungmin who steps into the bathroom. Steps far enough that when he lets go of the door handle it slides shut behind him as Seungmin stares. His eyes flicker all over the place, always dragging back to Felix’s face.

"Felix," Seungmin says, eyes watery and overly bright, easily reflecting the bathroom lights. "Felix."

"I know," Felix says.

Seungmin closes the gap between them. Grabs the sleeve of Felix’s sweater in an iron tight grip. "Felix," Seungmin says again, voice somehow breaking more on every syllable. "Your soulmate."

"I know," Felix says, voice cracking, eyes burning again. "I know."

Seungmin wraps his arms around Felix, enveloping him in exactly the way Felix wants to be held right now. Seungmin is fantastic. He's Felix's friend and Felix loves him, Felix loves all of them, but only one of them is the right person, only one person will fit against Felix in the way he needs. There’s only one person who really needs Felix right now.

Felix lifts up an arm to wrap around Seungmin anyway. Hopes that his words don't leave a stain on Seungmin's clothes because they're not Seungmin's to bear. Seungmin is important to Felix, everyone is, but some things are different.

"Do you know where he is?" Felix asks into Seungmin's shoulder. Seungmin knows who he means because Seungmin is smart enough to figure these things out which is good. Something about admitting it out loud right now feels too much for Felix. "I need to find him."

"He got called away after his interview. They needed to talk to him about the next episode already. After that, I don't know after that."

"I need to see him," Felix says.

"I can go get him for you," Seungmin offers.

Felix shakes his head. "Thank you. Really, thank you, but I need to find him."

"He'll still be in the building," Seungmin says.

"I think I know where he'll be," Felix says. 

"How are you going to deal with--those," Seungmin says.

People are going to know as soon as Felix steps outside. Everyone is going to know. The cameras are switched off now but there's no way he won't be caught, people will still catch him and his words, rumours will start like they did with Minho and Jisung, like they've done with so many people before but none of that really matters now. The only reason he's gotten this far without any questions about his soulmate was likely because of Chris anyway. The only reason he's gotten this far at all has been because of Chris and his friends and his soulmate and Felix needs to start being there for them all now. It's too late for him but not for them. His dream is gone, and it hurts so much, there's an ache inside him that only grows and grows and Felix is already on the verge of falling apart because of it, but he can still hold something together as that happens.

He is falling apart, and so is his soulmate, and so is Chris, and they don’t need to do it by themselves anymore.

"I’ll manage," Felix says. "It's okay, Seungmin.”

"Where are you going?" Seungmin asks.

"Up," Felix says. "All the way up to the roof."

"Make sure you take the back stairs," Seungmin says. "They'll be empty. They are always this late."

Felix hugs Seungmin again, squeezes him tight with all of the strength he has left.

"I will," Felix says. He lets go of Seungmin and chances a quick glance in the mirror. It's still the same post crying mess that greets him, still the same words on his face that are showing no signs of fading any time soon. Felix turns back to Seungmin whose eyes are overflowing with emotion.

"You're important to us, Felix," Seungmin says. "All of us. We feel the same."

Felix can't fight against these tears and he doesn't want to. "Thank you," he says. "Me too. But I need him now and he needs me."

Seungmin nods, this small smile on his face. "I know. I understand. You two are special.”

Seungmin promises to take care of the others. He goes out first to make sure the coast is clear and it’s only when he signals that it’s clear that Felix leaves and makes a dash for the staircase.

He takes the stairs two at a time. Keeps his head down.

Chris' home isn't in the dorms. It's the company building, and if the building is his home, then the roof is his private space, where he gets his solitude.

Technically, the roof is supposed to be off-limits most of the time to everyone including the trainees. But Chris is Chris so he's allowed up there.

It's dark outside. Normally, they'd still be rehearsing now, the clock continuing to tick away under the beat of the music, the stamp of their footsteps. That or Felix would be practising by himself but he can't do that now, can't prepare what he's going to say or do. He can only race up the stairs as fast as he can, that’s all he can focus on.

By the time he reaches the top, he’s out of breath, chest heaving, trying to force air into his lungs. The words are still sitting on his skin as he reaches for the door. Felix doesn't know what's going to come after this, once tonight is over and tomorrow starts, but he's determined to move forward anyway.

Felix opens the door and steps out onto the roof, the cold air immediately clinging to him, pushing down on him. There's a light above him attached to the wall that's shining down, and there's smaller lights across the floor, enough that when combined with the multi colored street lights illuminating the buildings and streets, it's simple to make out the scattered plants, the black rail fence and the figure leaning on the far side, their back facing Felix.

Far below, life still goes on. Cars drive past, their engines growing closer, peaking, then disappearing and there's the faint smell of drying rain against the concrete. Up here, on the roof, it's as if everything has stopped, everything else is far away and all there is left is Felix, Felix on the precipice of his future.

"Chris," he calls out.

Chris turns to face him. He’s still standing in the dark, under the empty sky.

"Chris," Felix says again.

"Felix." It sounds the same as any other time Chris has said it. Weary, creaking, but the same underneath everything. Nothing is different. Chris has been his soulmate this whole time and the only difference now is Felix knows.

"I'm here. I found you."

The words are staying and so is Felix. He's staying for as long as he can. If he gets his way, he’ll stay forever on this path, with his hands outstretched in front of him, fingertips brushing against his soulmate, his dreams, at last. At last Felix knows who he is and what stands in front of him. He looks at his skin and understands what he has to do.

He’s not fully able or worthy yet but he’s here and that’s what matters. That’s what will have to do.

(Chris cries. He had been crying already, Felix knows, his breaths uneven in the quiet of the dark, but as soon as he steps into the light, as soon as he gets a clear look at Felix, he breaks, starts to let out these huge, heaving, gasping sobs into his hands.

Felix cries too because his tears have come nowhere close to drying up yet. Felix cries but Chris is right in front of him and neither of them are alone, not anymore. He doesn't need to see clearly to wrap himself around Chris, to fit his arms around Chris' shaking shoulders and pulls him close just as he's wanted to hold his soulmate for all these years, just like how he’s distantly wanted to hold Chris since they first met all those months ago.

They end up on the floor, the dampness seeping through their clothes. Chris has his hands bunched up in the material of Felix’s jumper, holding on unbearably tight.

"I'm so sorry," Chris sobs. "I'm so sorry, Felix."

"Me too," Felix whispers, voice weak, almost broken. "But I have you. You have me now. We’re here together now."

Chris continues to cry but his tears don't wash away Felix's words. Only adds a shine to them.

Felix is okay with them staying. He's strong enough now to carry them. Even if he's not, he is going to try. He will always try.)

(They make it back to the dorm. More in pieces than anything else but they make it back together. Chris refuses to let Felix go or let him out of his sight. Seungmin must have explained it to the rest or they must know already because no one asks them any questions. No one interrupts as Chris makes a beeline for the room he and Seungmin share.

"I'm sorry," Chris says again as they’re lying on the bed. Felix has long since lost count of how many times he said it, how often he's seen it on his skin. He's cupped Felix's face in his hands, thumbs rubbing across Felix's cheekbones. His teeth dig into his own lip but that doesn't stop it trembling. "You've spent your whole life like this because of me."

Felix reaches up and laces his hand through Chris’. "Don’t be sorry. It’s not bad. The words always kept me company. It was nice knowing, nice always being reminded there was someone there for me. Someone that I would meet eventually."

Chris shakes his head. "I'm sorry," he says, sounding choked up. "I should have figured this out earlier."

"How were you supposed to know? It wouldn’t have mattered. You were always there for me anyway," Felix says. 

“I could have done more,” Chris whispers. 

Felix moves forward so he can attach himself to Chris’ side and tangle their legs together.

“You’re my soulmate. You’re always enough. You’ve always done enough. Even if I’m not yours, that doesn’t matter. I’m glad to be here for you.” 

This expression flashes across Chris’ face, a combination of shock and horror before being replaced by determination in his eye. "You're mine too," Chris says. “I promise you’re mine too. There’s something I have to show you.”

Chris still looks unwilling to leave Felix in any way. His fingers linger in between Felix's before they finally let go.

Chris stands up off the bed and Felix sits up to watch him. His hands reach for the bottom of his shirt that comes off in one easy swoop. He turns around, bends his head down so all Felix can see is his shoulders and back.

Oh my god, Felix thinks. Oh my god.

All across Chris' back, stretched across his shoulders and down his spine, is an image of the sun. An image that’s more like a painting, made up of broad brush strokes of pastel yellows and oranges and reds, bright and shining and twitching like it’s alive. It hurts the more he stares at it but Felix can’t look away.

"You can touch it," Chris tells him.

Felix does just that. Places his hands on Chris’ warm skin. His hands look so small compared to the sun underneath them. The contrast between the black lettering and the bright colours of the sun looks a little strange but there’s something right about it, the light and the dark meeting like this.

"I always thought it was unfair," Chris says. Felix can feel the slight flex of his muscles under his hands. "That I couldn't ever see it easily. I wanted to watch it at all times, watch it change. I couldn’t watch the sun so I settled for watching the moon and the stars. They’re beautiful, sure, but they’re not the same.”

"I’ve always been behind you," Felix says.

“You were,” Chris says.

Felix makes sure to continue that. He drags Chris back down to the bed and shifts them around so Felix is in the perfect position to big spoon Chris, to have Chris’s back fit against his chest as best he can. The heat of the sun pierces through Felix’s skin straight through to his heart

"I meant it," Chris says. "I meant it before and I mean it even more now. I'm never going to leave you behind."

"You don't have to carry it by yourself anymore," Felix says. "I'm here. I'll be here always. I’m staying."

Felix has no intentions of doing anything other than shining, of staying high in the sky and watching over everything.)

(By the next morning, the words still haven't faded completely. Chris is tracing Felix’s cheek as Felix wakes up. Starts to wake up because his body feels drained, exhausted, like he’s been emptied out and there’s no energy or anything left inside him. 

"I'm sorry," Chris says. It's only then that Felix starts to remember everything that happened yesterday. Memories reminding him of why he’s here now and where he’s planning to go, to stay.

"It's okay. We need to agree to stop apologising," Felix mumbles, more interested in burying his face into the juncture of Chris' neck than waking up and facing the day. "We're going to do it forever otherwise, and we don't need to. Not when we’re both here now."

Chris stops tracing his face and holds him tighter and Felix doesn’t need to look at anything other than his eyelids to know what Chris is thinking.)

(The words on his face fade away after a few days. The words on the rest of his body stay for longer. They linger, turning faint but still present everywhere Felix can see and places he can't. New thoughts still appear over them, and Felix is always paying attention for them now. He is still practising, working harder than he ever has before now that he knows exactly what he is working towards.

The sun on Chris' back continues to rise up again. Grows brighter, bigger and brighter, and Felix feels impossibly small next to it always. No part of him is big enough to cover it whole but Felix is determined to keep on trying. He walks up behind Chris and wraps his arms around him in a back hug, holds on as Chris laughs, hides his smile in Chris' nape.

In moments like this, it makes staying seem like the easiest thing in the world because there is nothing in the whole world that would be able to pull Felix away.)

(Eventually, all the words from that night disappear. All except one phrase that stubbornly remains over his heart.

_always find me_

When Felix is told that he can get a second chance to debut, that Minho is getting one too, they both have one last chance to make it with the team, to reach their dreams and debut, Felix puts his hand over his heart, over the words that have kept him company throughout this whole thing. 

They make it together in the end. They stay together and Felix has never felt anything like this, the release and rise of all their dreams at once. It’s the most incredible feeling in the world.)

(Felix thought he would have to choose between his dream and his soulmate. He thought it wasn't possible to carry both with him, to run towards the both of them.

He didn't have a choice to make in the end. He wasn’t ever alone in the chase.

Felix isn't alone, and his dreams aren't solely his own, and all that is known to him now is the knowledge that it was worth it. 

The only choice Felix has to make is the one about where he’s going, who to follow, and it’s never much of a choice because Felix will always follow the words because they lead to his dreams, the dreams of everyone around him. 

To share a dream is the most beautiful thing, Felix thinks.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this to the end!!
> 
> i don't know if you would count this as a fun fact but this fic was born partly out of the fact i listened to the scientist by coldplay for three days straight, felix would be proud of me. the title is actually from a review of the song.
> 
> comments and kudos are all appreciated <3
> 
> i'm on twitter [@bluestlight ](https://twitter.com/bIuestlight) (if you're typing it out the first l is actually an i )


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